


Ace

by TheGoodDoctor



Series: Group Targets [17]
Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Gen, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Mythology - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 01:25:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8308384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGoodDoctor/pseuds/TheGoodDoctor
Summary: "So you're on some sort of quest, I suppose?"





	

James hefts his sword higher, clinging with sweaty palm to his shield. “You shall not trick me,” he says as surely as he can.

The sphynx eyeballs him, and he gulps. “I'm not here to trick you, foolish mortal. I am here to test you. Honestly,” he says, crossing his huge golden paws under his chin and glaring down from his plinth at James, “Do they teach you heroes nothing?”

James bridles. “Well, then, test me.” He spreads his arms boldly, returning the glare. “You shall not find me wanting.”

“Shame,” the sphynx says, cleaning his claws idly. “If I do, I can eat you.” The grin is distinctly full of teeth and James gets a gust of hot, dry, foul-smelling breath.

“Mate,” the hero says. “Eat a breath mint or something.”

The sphynx leaps down from the plinth, circling the wary traveller and growling low in his lion chest. “Do you mock me?” he says. “Me? The mighty Q? My riddles are the hardest in the ancient world!”

James shakes his head. “Seriously. Your breath stinks.”

Q turns his head away. “Really? Damn. Okay, here's my riddle: do you have a breath mint?”

James grins up at the human head. “I do,” he says.

Q grins. “Correct answer!” He holds out a massive paw, but James starts to walk past. “Wait!”

James turns, walking backwards past the plinth, and shrugs. “I answered correctly.”

Q’s claws shoot from the paw with the noise of five very large swords being unsheathed. “There are two parts to the riddle,” the sphynx growls. “Will you give me the breath mint?”

James laughs. “I will,” he says, and flicks the mint into the open jaws, past the razor sharp ivory teeth.

Q crunches and swallows, and grins at the human. “I will not forget this, hero.”

James nods. “Tell others of my minty freshness.”

* * *

James walks with Q between the trees in the shadow of the leaves, emerald light dancing on the forest floor. Q makes a concerted effort not to break the branches, but his success is negligible. As the light grows dimmer and fades into the darkness of night, they sit at the base of a tree, leaning against the oak’s trunk.

James takes an apple from his bag and uses his sword to carve a silver off.

There is the sound of a throat being cleared behind him, somehow overlaid with the rustle of leaves. James doesn't look up, just holds the apple slice out somewhere to the right and back of him. It is plucked from his fingers.

“This your tree?” James asks conversationally.

“Yes,” a man says, sounding rather like he's concentrating very hard on maintaining a human form. “Thank you for the apple - oh, never mind.”

He appears from behind the trunk and sits beside James. “Hello, hero. I suppose you're on some kind of quest?” His face is faintly green, his hair short and looking as if it has the texture of bark.

“Yes,” James says, “a rescue mission. My friend was taken by sirens and I am searching for him.”

The dryad nods. “I see. You realise you probably won't be able to get him back, right?”

James sighs. “I know, but I want to help him.”

The dryad looks up. “And I suppose you broke all my branches, hmm?”

Q shuffles his paws awkwardly. “I didn’t mean to,” he says sulkily. “Besides, I'm Q, the mightiest sphynx in the land. I don't answer to trees.”

James sighs as the dryad huffs. “And I'm Gareth, an oak dryad, and you're sitting on my roots. I could trap you like a bug, so don't get any ideas, you jumped up pussycat.”

“I'm James,” the hero interjects before things get heated. “We're a bit lost; we need to find the coast of songs.”

The dryad perks up. “I can take you there,” Gareth says.

* * *

The coast of songs is full of sirens. That's why James’ ears are full of wax, Q has filled his with moss, and Gareth has filled his ear-like knotholes with leaves.

Consequently, they are absolutely deaf to the world and really should have organised their plan beforehand.

Gareth draws a rough outline of the coast in the sand with one twiggy finger and crosses where they are. He draws a line showing his intended plan of attack.

James pulls a face, scrubs it out and draws his own. This lasts until Q swishes his tail over the map and the whole thing is drawn up again.

Bill, on a rock just off the coast, watching the silent bickering, sighs.

“I have seen better rescue attempts,” the siren in the water beside him says.

“I know, Eve,” he says sadly. “It's just embarrassing, really.”

Eve grins. “Funny, though.”

He huffs. “It got old fast.”

She shrugs. “I suppose. I could swim over, tell them to swim back over here…?”

Bill glares at her and she kicks her legs and shrugs, unrepentant. “You're incorrigible,” he sighs.

She nods happily. “Sure am.”

Back on shore, the planning has turned into a full-on wrestling match between a weird lion, a buff idiot and a tree. Bill sighs again; it's the only real way to express his feelings. “If you promise not to sing, can I go and stop them?”

Eve rolls her eyes. “Fine. You suck all the joy out of my life, human.”

Bill paddles over and knocks James over the head with the back of his hand. “Bill!” James yells, flat on his back in the sand. “There you are.”

“Is this the guy?” Gareth bellows.

“Who are you?” Q shouts.

Bill screws his eyes shut against the sudden onslaught of noise. He mimes removing the earplugs and they do, thankfully. “You lot are a mess,” he informs them.

“Cheers,” James says. “How are you not dead?”

Bill spreads his hands. “I'm ace. This is a bloody holiday, mate. Go away.”


End file.
